On Pressing In

There is less than a week left of the Holy Fast, and it seems like I have made no progress in it. My spirit is weary, and I continue to just come face to face with my insufficiencies, failings, and weaknesses. The struggle is relentless, but instead of just backing out, it is necessary to press into the remaining days of the bright sadness. I sin with such frequency, but God is merciful.

It's funny, the struggles that I am coming up against in the remaining days of the Fast are not turning out to be the ones that I would have expected at the beginning of the fast a month ago. There is something deeply engrained in each of us, I think, that rears its ugly head at this point in the journey toward Pascha. We must deal with these things. I guess I am only speaking in really vague terms right now, and perhaps rightly so. As I said, my spirit is weary, and my body too. 

I think it's God's will that we end up being brought directly into conflict with the things that are worst about ourselves during periods of extended fasting. It is up to us to decide whether or not we are going to do anything about it or do the necessary work to even see the things we struggle with when they are before us. We must, in the remaining time of Great Lent, push further in so that we may see with truly illumined eyes. We need to know what we are repenting of, don't we? The fast does not save us, it merely prepares our hearts for our imminent salvation. We must, however, be like the virgins who wait for the Bridegroom. He is faithful to his word, appearing as he says he will, but in his time. We must be vigilant in the days before Pascha if we wish to taste of the Resurrection. We must see what in us must be crucified so that we can rise into true life in Christ.

May the Lord grant us the eyes of faith to see.